Wide Awake At 3am

I wake up in the middle of a dark bedroom with two sleeping hounds. It's so quiet that I hear nothing. I don't hear them snoring, breathing or running in their sleep. I hear nothing outside in the distance like I do sometimes. I'm not too hot nor cold like I was just a morning or two ago. The window is wide open and it's 66°.

It's 2:14am and something has woke me up.

I feel literally nothing in my hip, on the side of my hip ... it feels normal, zero feelings of any kind. Yet when I woke up I was just on the verge of rolling over on my ride side to sleep, the surgical side. Rarely do I sleep on that side and I can confirm I haven't for at least the past 26 nights. Was I dreaming or was I really about to roll to my right side?

I lie there for a second waiting for some sort of feeling or twinge of pain from that unadvised move ... there isn't any. I wonder how long my surgical side has been moving? From the hip all the way down to my foot ... what has been moving while I slept and in what angles? Did the hip, knee, foot or leg move outside the safety zone? Is there even a safety zone?

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By 6:30am I had my answer from a friend that is a PT and works with a lot of patients from the same surgeon that I had. ---

"Dr. ********** is right. You need to listen to your body! Sometimes that comes through trial and error because everyone is different. If you’re walking a lot then the next day you can’t move because you hurt so bad, it’s too much. Cut back. If you’re walking a lot and don’t feel bad at all, then you’re fine! It really just depends how YOU feel! You won’t hurt the hip... only if you fell on it or really twisted it or something."
 
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I don't know that there is ... the doctor never verbally issued one. So in a way the 'confusion' I spoke of a few days or weeks ago is there lingering in the background. It's also one of the things that come with writing about my health issue or rehab. I expect it and knew from the start when I decided to write about what I was going through ... there would be a lot of comments and different ideas from readers and Facebook followers.

It's hard to sort out at times because most people have a different idea or an opinion. That comes with blogging on any subject and it's also prevalent in my Facebook updates to friends, a few family that use Facebook but don't follow the blog.

I have no problem with the different opinions. I like reading them. I listen to what people say because some of them are more experienced with this "medical train" than I am. Others have had the same surgery or know of someone that has. Some readers have even taken care of someone that has had the same surgery. So there is a lot of information out there just from the feedback I get in blog comments, emails, Facebook comments, texts and information I find online from my own research.

At 2:15am, all of this is going through my mind as I lie in a dark room with an open window on the south wall in front of me that looks like a large movie screen as it captures the light from the sky. It looks bigger in the dark than it does in the daytime.

Since I woke Heidi up at 8pm on Thursday night to go outside for her last pee of the night, she is sound to sleep at 2:14am. I feel that's a good trade and keeps me from chasing her down a hallway at 1:30am hoping to get to the backdoor before her, to let her outside so she can pee. Getting old is a pain in the ass, even if you are a basset hound.

I hear Stella now running in her sleep. Her paws are moving against the wall she sleeps next to. Is she with Sadie chasing deer again in the field back in Indiana? That has to be it because she has not ran like that for years and out here in the Wild West she has only trotted during her walks but has never ran full speed anywhere.

By the sound of her paws rubbing the wall .... she is in a full sprint gallop after something.

I decide to take my own trip to the bathroom and the first thing I feel when I stand up has nothing to do with my new hip or a leg and foot that is back to normal size. It's my left shoulder. I must have slept on it wrong or it is still reminding me I threw too many baseballs when I was a kid decades ago. At one time I was playing on three different baseball teams and a few times pitched too many innings in a week. Yes, I still feel the damage done to a left handed pitching arm 50 years later.

Where's that Ibuprofen?

I feel good coming back down the hallway with the walker that now glides over the tile floor since I added those two Wilson tennis balls to the rear legs of the walker. That adjustment also makes the walker glide over the carpet when I am in the bedroom or computer room. Remember, I use the walker from the time I go to bed until I carry the first of two cups of coffee to my computer room.

This morning that happened at 3:54am !!!!

Yes, I had been laying in bed awake all of that time trying to get back to sleep. My watch told my my pulse rate was 52bpm so there was nothing there that kept me awake. It was 66° outside, no wind and cloudy skies ... but my mind was working, sorting through all the latest comments I had read the previous 24 hours. I don't dwell on them but it's amazing the number of things I should or should do during this rehab.

It confuses me at times, just like it is at 2:45am.

I also think of my friend that just returned home after 77 days in 3 different hospitals after having major back surgery. He can stand up straight he said, for the first time in years. He is learning to walk again with is wife holding him up one step at a time. Last month he had to learn how to breath again on his own. His situation and recovery makes mine look like a day at the beach in sunny southern California.

I suggested to him last night to add the tennis balls to his walker for a smoother 'ride'. He replied my walker was the exact one he had been using in rehab. He is another old friend at 68 years old with major surgery to rehab. My list of friends doing that grows by one.

I start thinking about my situation again as I lay there. I can barely see the silhouette of the chest of drawers. I see the tiny green light of the wired in smoke/carbon detector. I feel how good my hip feels, it feels normal, like nothing ever happened. Do I dare move my right leg sideways to the point of a twinge so see how far it goes?

No, don't think so.

Honestly I don't know what is too much or not enough. The doctor didn't set firm guidelines with numbers of reps, or minutes for walks, or dates of the month ... all numbers that I like because I am and have always been a 'numbers guy' ... remember I have the addiction to spreadsheets even in my time of retirement.

I think back to that room 14 days after surgery where I had my followup appointment. My surgeon told me things look great and even said fantastic as he watched me walk across the room. Had he seen the x-rays they had taken before I was called into his exam room? Greg was right with his comment yesterday ... face time with him was about 10 minutes, it seemed rushed and he ended our consultation within a minute after reading a text on his phone.

But at 2:45am while thinking back to that appointment and double checking to see if I missed something he said, I only remember him telling me to walk as much as possible AS LONG AS I did NOT walk to the point of fatigue.

Although my neighbor told me I didn't know the meaning of that word 'fatigue' and I didn't know what my body was saying no matter if I rode a bike or not for many years ... I do know that if my leg muscle or hip would 'fatigue' I would collapse immediately, just as I did that Saturday when 3 people held me as I tried to stand up on the side of the road. I collapsed immediately then and I would now if I walked to the point of fatigue.

So ... I do remember "that limit" he set for me.

He also told me to rest so I could heal. He reminded me that he had sewn a lot of muscle with the new implant as well as muscle torn in my bike wreck and that I needed to rest. But ... he didn't tell me how long to rest. Sitting in a chair count the same if I am laying in bed? Probably not, but at least I am not moving ... so that has to mean some sort of rest.

He didn't give me the numbers my brain needed to know what is good or bad, what is good rest or not enough. He didn't give me a number of steps I need so I still don't know what is too much walking or not enough. "Don't push yourself, I know how you bicyclists think" ... "Listen to  your body and it will tell you how much is too much or not enough"

I understood his instructions ... but I'd like some numbers. 6,000 steps in a day too much? An hour nap not enough? The 'urge' to walk and keep walking ... is that listening to my body?

I don't know the answers to any of those questions really.  Ha Ha

So that is why some blog readers or Facebook followers say be careful after they have read what I have done that day or that week. That is why some friends on Facebook say 'back off' and do only what the doctor tells you.  LOL

I thought I was and think I am following those doctor's orders.

So .... around 3:30am as I am reading Ed Fry's blog that is linked on my sidebar ... I realize that I am not going to get back to sleep. I might as well get up, make some coffee and blog. Really, I have a big urge to write.

Yes ... at 3:45am as the coffee is dripping into the pot, the hound have gone outside then headed back down the dark hallway to go back to sleep in the dark bedroom ... I FELT LIKE BLOGGING !!!!

Just like the times last December when I had moved this blog to a Wordpress blog I had, I felt like writing at all times of the night so there were a few days I was blogging at 4am and was wide awake.

I am not sure what was worse though ... freezing weather outside in December or a cane handle sitting on my desk reminding me my new hip is only 26 days old as of right now and it needs to heal.

or ....

Sitting in a chair reading a book or laying in the prone position in bed with my eyes wide open wondering what in the hell happened that beautiful Saturday morning on September 7th?

Don't take what I said about blog and Facebook comments wrong. I want those comments from all different ideas and beliefs. I have gained a lot of information from comments on the blog and Facebook as well as private emails and texts. The good stuff out numbers the questionable stuff. It more of the "TONE" of how it's said that upset me the other day NOT what she said. She wasn't the first nor the last person to say the same thing about seeing a cardiologist.

It was the 'tone'.

So I guess I will classify this post as rambling, no photos.

I will add that once Stella saw I was blogging she walked from the bedroom to her corner on the right side of my desk and has been sleeping every since with the room light on ... at least she didn't let out a bloodhound howl wanting her breakfast served at 3:56am ... that will probably come later this morning. She LOVES food, I've never seen anything like it with my other hounds.

After all of this ... I only know one thing ... what the doctor told me "listen to your body" and that will tell me what I'm doing today.

It's still dark outside but with the windows open and no cold air blowing anywhere, it's a great morning here in the Wild West ... I need a 2nd cup of coffee.

I'll blog later tonight with some photos of the day.

The Urge To Blog Is Gone

Just like the change in weather, things change in life, in daily activities or thoughts. That is the case here in June 2019. I am practically forcing myself to sit in front of my computer to write even this post. Words are not there and as I scrolled though photos to post on this blog, I couldn't decide what to post.

Blogging about the hounds and I in a public format is over.

Yes, I have done it before a couple of times since I started in October 2011. For various reasons I came back but those reasons have also disappeared. At this point in this post I am not sure I can finish this ... the words are just not there.


I will say that I really got tired of this type of weather this spring and into the early summer months. I have emailed a few readers, ones I have kept in touch with over the years via emails, what the current situation is. For those wondering, I am fine and the hounds are even better. None of us have any crisis going on in our lives. So that's not the reason for the lack of blog posts.

I no longer want to stand down by the highway passing out current updates to our lives with photos to every car that passes the house, whether I know them or not. That is how I described blogging years ago. Sure, friends are made and have been made through blogging but the "privacy thing" as always been big with me. It's always lingered in the background of my thoughts.

I found out this spring that the more time I spent away from the computer the more I enjoyed life. Even when I was doing things I didn't want to do, it was still better than spending time in front of my computer. I found it harder and harder to grasp that hour or two it takes to put a post together with 12-25 photos in the post.

An ex-friend told me once some of the best photos you will ever take, will be those you don't.

Whether you want it to or not and other bloggers may feel the same way ... blogging gets into your thought process, your photo taking process and your daily life ... if you blog that often. You find yourself taking your camera not to capture possibly the best photo of the hounds but to get photos for the blog post that day.

That is no way to take photos.

I could be sitting outside battling the bugs, the gnats or mosquitoes and enjoy watching the day come to an end but battled within myself to get up, go inside and post something on the blog when I had not blogged in days. A feeling of 'obligation' sneaks into my daily routine ... and I've never wanted any kind of obligations.

It brings back that time I had an ex-girlfriend screaming at me "you have made a commitment ... not to make any" ... for the first time in our relationship we had agreed on something. LOL

I will say that my life and daily routine has changed drastically from what you have read on this blog and my old blog over on Blogger. I am back to bicycling again. I am back to loading the hounds into the car for local drives and exploring new interests. I no longer sit my first cup of coffee down in front of my computer in the morning and spend the first 2-3 hours of the day in front of my iMac. I'm outside enjoying the sights and sounds of another day getting it's start.

My time in front of a computer has decreased drastically and I like that ... a lot.

The hounds have had a slight change to their routines but all for the better. They still eat twice per day. Heidi still goes right back to sleep after her breakfast but a HUGE DIFFERENCE, she now goes to the door every morning around 10am expecting me to take her for 'her' walk.

Stella is now whining to go on her morning walk, if we are not outside by 6am. She is not only walking further than we use to but breaks into a fast trot and shows more activity than she has in many months.

Both hounds are looking better than they ever have and have done more activity than before. They are good.

The words reluctance and privacy seem to go hand in hand anymore when it comes to me being open on a blog. I gave it a gallant effort of being more open on the blog back in December. I cannot say I liked it but I did it anyway. Then I caught myself falling back into that privacy mode of mine of writing less about my thoughts and more about what the hounds were doing.

The urge to blog was disappearing even while I posted the past few times.

So where does the word reluctance come into play?

If I were to post like I did every day for a few years or many months, the possibility of unexpected visitors would be more possible than ever before. If I were to post current photos of the hounds, there would be a few keen readers that could figure out what was going on and might even go as far as knocking on my door to see the hounds.

Just like the strange lady I found one day a few years ago ... looking into the back bedroom window because she wanted to see the hounds. It didn't matter that I wasn't home at the time, she was there to see the hounds no matter what. I had been too open in my blog posts and the photos I took ... she figured out where I lived.

Over the years I have read more times than I wanted to, about blog readers showing up on the doorstep or knocking on an RV door of people that blogged, to see the people and dogs they were reading about. I don't want that to ever happen to me and the hounds.

Some might think that would never happen here but I have always leaned more toward preventing that one in a million chance.

I was careless before in my photo taking and blogging and thus the strange crazy lady looking in my windows, for the hounds. I'll not make that mistake again.

So combined with the the lack of words to type, the lack of interest for sharing my life and the hounds to the world, and the big reluctance to post photos that would blow our cover ... I cannot see anyway I can continue blogging in a public platform.

For some, this announcement might bother them or as in the past, in a few it will anger them. I'll hear from them since I have not changed my email address nor do I plan to. Some readers are bloggers and will understand what I have spoken about and others that don't blog will think that I am selfish, possibly crazy or even lazy ... I mean it can't take that much time to put a blog post together.

After all it only takes a few minutes to read one of my posts and only seconds to scroll through the photos. So it can't take that much time to blog.

To those readers I suggest you start your own blog and write about every little thing in your life and what you are doing. Take a million photos per day, download them, edit them and post the ones you like and open your door to any blog reader that wishes to stop by to visit you or see your dog, cat, reptile or plants.

For those readers that stopped by my blogs to take a look at the photos over the years, made comments or sent emails ... thank you for taking your time to stop by the blog. I found an enjoyment in taking photos and blogging then ... I don't now.

As each hound passed, things changed. The blog changed, I changed. I know that is just part of life but as I get older I find it harder to lose a hound. Sometimes those walks through the field were not as enjoyable as they once were because past memories overtook the walk Stella and I were on.

When she started losing interest in taking the 2 walks per day through the field, I did too. The window of finding things to blog about and to take photos of got smaller and smaller. Activities outside called life ... became more important than blogging. I cannot even find time to blog privately in my journal and the urge to do so is also evaporating.

So there it is ... it's the best I can do in trying to explain ... still a poor job of doing so.

Add me to the list of other bloggers that have stopped blogging for one reason or another. Some made an announcement and others just drifted out into the black space called the internet.

The hounds and I are more than happy with the change in our lives.

Stella Has Changed Routines

After Sadie was gone in September 2018 I always wondered if Stella wanted to walk in the field because she wanted to or because I wanted to. There were too many times I would have to practically beg her to join me on the morning and afternoon walks, causing me to wonder. She is always changing her routine but recently the change has been huge. This is her response 99.9% of the time when I ask her "you wanna go for a walk" and there's her answer.

Where she use to whine around 9am just months ago to take the walk through the wet field, only canceled by rain, anymore she is sound to sleep at 9am and will join Heidi in sleeping right up until lunch is served. With the hot afternoons I try to walk early evening but it doesn't matter to her. Here it is late morning and the response is the same. "I'm not going anywhere no matter how many times you say let's go"

With lunch served, if it's not raining she spends about an hour sunbathing. I can't help but think those warm stones make her hips feel better or her back.

Heidi enjoys her bed now being right next to the central air vent. With the temps in the 80's now, she will spend most of her afternoons here, next to the cold air. I have not caught her on camera but she still likes to go outside on her own every afternoon, do a little wandering and then lay under the sunshine if it isn't too hot. Otherwise ... right there on her dog bed.

I decided to watch Stella's walk one day. I was even prepared to follow her next door if that is where she wanted to go. I'd even go as far as two houses down if she wanted to check out the water temps for the neighbor's pool. So I stood and watched to see what she would do.

It turned out to be nothing more than the "new normal", her afternoon walk and only walk of the day for so long that I can't remember when it started to be this way.

Yes, the hay is that tall again, where you can barely see her tail. All the rain has been good for the hay growth but the fields across the highway are still not planted and it's raining again as I type this. About the time it dries out enough to get tractors and plows in the field, it rains.

While I was giving her the chance to go anywhere, she walked from the previous photo over to our return path and came home without a word of any kind coming from my mouth. She does that day after day and goes no further than she has to, to relieve herself.

She likes to shake off all the hay seeds and yellow pollen before she comes back inside.

And the "official" end of the walk by walking along the side of the house.

Sometimes her walks are not even what you have seen. They are not any longer than a quick search on the driveway and back to the house. A few times I attached the 25' retractable leash to her thinking that might lead her to the field ... she sits there and makes sure her 85 lbs are as low as possible so there is no way I can move her. Similar to a heavy rock you are trying to move.

Along with her changes to routine, I have seen and felt changes with me and blogging. I admit I love having the extra time to enjoy the day and I seem to get a lot more done around here without taking the time to put a blog together. I take daily photos but not nearly as many as I did in full blogging mode. Nothing official to announce but a post or some hound photos here and there are about all I can come up with.

Both hounds will be 10 years old this summer. Is that the reason for a slower pace summer this year? I think Heidi may be 10 years old since her age is really an estimate. When I picked her up 8 years ago from GABR they estimated she was around 1-1/2 years old but no way to tell. She shows no signs of older age except some graying on her nose and around her eyes.

Stella is so laid back in personality that there isn't a gray hair anywhere on her. I have noticed more crud around her eyes this summer than usual, from the pollen in the air. She still gets the hip/joint supplements 2x per day but there are times she looks like her hips are bothering her as she tries to lay down. No yelping of any kind but she takes it slow and easy to lay down.

Things are good in 'the tropics' of Southern Indiana.

Everything Is Fine

Just a short update. The hounds and I are in good health, no problems. I am just very busy right now and haven't had time to blog. Besides, the hounds have been 'hinting' at blog retirement. Time will tell.

Heidi Does Her Own Walk !!!

That 'to do' list I spoke of a few months ago is getting an early start this year and I am not waiting until the hot weather in July or August to start this year. Plus there are some other things going on, where I am really really busy and blogging has slid down the list of priorities to the bottom. I have a lot to do, so my blogging will be very sporadic for a while and it might be longer than a week between posts. This morning I am off to a slow start so I thought I'd update what the hounds have been up to.

It wasn't raining nor had it the night before but Stella wasn't sure she was going on a walk. On Thursday when she did this I turned around and went back inside just as she did. She didn't want to walk any time on Thursday so we didn't and the weather was great.

Friday morning was a different story but I had to yell while she stood there to "come on". We have also started our walks from the north part of the yard on the return path, such as she would do if it were raining or wet. New routine and I'll follow it if that is what it takes for her to go on a walk.

There have been a few times we have walked without the camera because I just don't have time to break up my day once I get started. I have to take advantage of my motivation and get the work done while I am in the mood for it. No matter what we do though, the field is growing taller by the minute, I'm still mowing every two days between the rains and I am trying my best to focus on one project at a time.

Around 7pm last night it sure looked interesting in the western skies. I turned around and Heidi was gone, out of sight, left, right, in the front yard, next to the southern bank ... nowhere. So I took off on the path in the field and when I got to the back, straight ahead ... she wasn't there, no sign of her.

I veered left following the path that parallels the edge of the field and woods as if Stella and I were taking our afternoon walk. Then JUST BARELY I see the tip of a white tail moving left to right. It was her and her white tipped tail was doing exactly what it is designed to do ... help find a basset hound in the field when they are hunting. I'm serious about that.

I didn't want her to see me because I wanted to see how far she would go. She was taking her time sniffing and investigating different spots along the path but never walking off the path. I stayed around 30 yards behind her the whole way. She walked as far as she normally would with Stella and I, when she usually lets us walk on and she stays behind.

It looked like the same exact area. About that time SHE TURNED AROUND !!! She was heading home and I didn't want her to see me. So I trotted to the house, went inside to grab the camera for her return entrance into the yard. I could see her white tail tip moving through the field

She stood there for a few minutes before she figured out where I was and then came running. I could not believe that she came to me inside to let me know she wanted to go outside, only to take off on her own walk while I was looking at the weird skies.

>This morning Stella was ready to walk but still heading out to the north side of the yard

Well I have to get back to the next listed task. Like I said, we will not be around much but will post some photos when I can.

Very busy times here in 'the tropics' of Southern Indiana.

Handing The Reins Over

I've decided to hand the reins of the blog over to the hounds. That means a lot less commentary with the same amount of photos, having an intro paragraph. To capture photos of Heidi in the afternoon, I will plan to schedule the post for a 6pm-7pm timeframe. With better weather things are getting busy and busier, so this is the best way to continue to post photos of the hounds and let everyone know that all of us still have a pulse.

They didn't do much today. Stella got a couple of walks in, Heidi roamed a little outside but that was about it. Neither of them showed any negative response to their dose of NexGuard for fleas and ticks.

It was a cool day in 'the tropics' of Southern Indiana.