December 19, 2018
The Mind Is Interesting
As you see, Stella and I took off on the morning walk earlier than the normal departure. We both couldn't wait any longer and it was barely daylight, darker than that photo.
Then I remembered how much they changed over the years with divorces, death, busy schedules and at times traveling. Once again the extremes showed remembering a few years fitting in 4 different Christmas meals within Christmas Eve and Christmas ... 3 of them in one day. The extreme .... having Chinese food and binge watching a stack of movies pulled from the shelf, or nothing at all ... alone.
Was I wrong not to leave Sadie in the field to pass naturally, not know how long it would take? Or was it best picking up a 90 pound bloodhound, then struggling to carry her to the car 80' away so we could get to a vet 12 miles away ... and hope for a miracle? Some times those two questions become unbearable to get through. I know, think positive, blah blah blah ... bullshit.Favorite Photos page at the top early last night, due to bad formatting during the transfer. There are some photos you've never seen and good ones.
Or was it the movie I watched that was so good I actually forgot where I was and what day it was, let alone the time. It reminded me of divorce, other lost relationships for one reason or another. Why can't I get out of the past?
The more I think the more I remember conversations with words that should not have been said along with those that should have been said. I remember names of co-workers from 30 years ago but can't remember the names of two out of three neighbors after they told me face to face. In fact I have no clue what their names might even be. Yet I can remember all three names of my Drill Instructors in Marines Boot Camp in February 1972. (there is a story I HAVE to blog about LOL)
I opened my photo file and glanced through different folders, each named for a specific event, dog name, or 'other'. I know that Apple will do that automatically in similar ways but never as good as I have them filed and sorted. :)
Those photos also brought back a short high-speed trip through the memory highway. Sometimes I wondered "what happened to you?" By the time I glanced at a lot of folders of photos, I still did not know what to write for the early morning post I spoke of only yesterday.
I was going to lighten this photo but decided to leave it dark. It was the closest I could come to the real sky.Excuses For Being An Inconsistent Blogger" yesterday. The word 'obligation' showed up again in my head. As a blogger I find that no matter how many times I am just "writing for me" (I'm not) I still feel the obligation not to let the readers down.
I compare it to the early days of school where you are taught at a young age that it is not good to let down your parents, teachers, or friends of your parents by not living up to THEIR expectations. The desire to 'please' is inside all of us. Some of us are ruined by those expectations. Not blogging ... in life
If you don't think the mind plays games with a blogger, sign up for an account on WordPress or Blogger and build your own blog ... then watch that mind of yours start playing head games with you on that inner dashboard of yours. That tiny voice of making you feel guilty because photos are slightly blurred, or not enough of them or maybe none at all.ZippyPinHead lead off his latest blog post with "Too tired to post pics tonight" ???? Now don't go ape shit on me for pointing to his blog, it's nothing personal just an example. Besides I know that 'Zippy' is not as mentally screwed up as I am ... he's normal.
My friend Ara is moving in a different direction on his blog since he had to put his beloved Spirit down. Just like when Winston was gone, this blog changed. My mind changed with it. It took a while to get back into the swing of things, yet the blog took a different direction with Winston gone. Just as it has with Sadie, no longer here.
Still I told her a pretty strange story on the future of blogs 25 years from now, IF not sooner. Virtual reality is an amazing thing ... so are those wombots.
I tried a few years ago of downloading my blog and saving it to a CD and then to a Word Document. Formatting is the problem, html code is a problem. I don't know of any way to transfer a blog just the way it looks now to a DVD to enjoy later.
I can find what my mind has forgotten, at least until IT DECIDES to send me on a high-speed road trip on the highway to craziness. A blog is like life .... a wide range of emotions. It lives and breathes or dies just like life. The only hard part is not finding just the right subject to blog about or the right photo to post .... the hardest part is how much of those thoughts do you make public. How much do readers really need to know?
Stella will get her big chance today to show me the separation anxiety almost two weeks ago was just a passing thought in her mind or a stranger at the door, maybe it was a deer looking in the window at her. I am out of a lot of food that I need, so a trip to the grocery story is planned. Big chance for her but I will revert to my Plans B&C for backup. (baby gate and tight cord between door knobs to keep her from opening the door)
They say dogs are not as smart as people but they are pretty damn smart and in some ways more than us. They have their routines and know down to the minute when they get their grain free bacon flavored (keto???) dog bones. Heidi knows exactly when I should be giving her the dental chew.
The hounds keep me in reality, keep me sane, make me laugh daily, and make me have out loud conversations. They remind me that I am okay and really normal like everyone else.
Well I have to go. I am feeling a couple of posts today though. The sunshine is too nice not to take photos and blog about it later tonight.
Maybe all of my 'mental volleyball' last night was caused by trading yesterdays' coffee with sugar to black coffee ... and liking it. I had two more cups of BLACK coffee this morning ... OR it might be that my car has not moved nor started in 12 days. It was my choice or lack thereof, it runs perfectly.
More thinking here in 'the tropics' of Southern Indiana ... I just felt a tap on my shoulder with that tiny voice in my head laughing its ass off !!!! Ha Ha (I think???)